Mi Desahogo

 

Clean the table with Clorox wipes I don’t know if I believe in God. But I think I believe in Jesus. I like to make the joke that I am an inverted Jew (because Jewish people believe in God and not Jesus). No one laughs at that joke when I say it. I probably should keep it to myself. My grandfather (my mother’s father), Abuelo, had a figure of Jesus on the cross on his hallway wall. I remember staring at it one day. I must have been around 5 years old. “¿Pero por qué está sangr

I lay in the hammock for what was probably four hours, but what felt more like minutes, yet also like days. We were going around adding songs to listen to. Songs to help us make sense of the moment, to make sense of what we were feeling. My husband, J, was sitting to my right on a white plastic chair. My brother, G, and his wife, H, were across from J. I have been experiencing on-and-off panic attacks. Shifting from dissociation to feeling to distress to panic, and back to ca

But I didn’t know I had no chance to be anything but his possession His obsession For his pleasure His colonization A daughter with many roles to fill An obligation But I didn’t know I didn’t know that fathers didn’t behave this way I like to dream that my soul chose this life That I made the decision That you didn’t steal it from me I walked into it Knowing I had a mission to complete But I didn’t know I didn’t know this life wasn’t normal I thought every child knew of v