Justin

If I let myself feel, Truly feel

What comes up when I picture you,

Think of you

Tears will come down,

Happy tears, of course,

But tears nonetheless

I didn’t know men like you existed

True love was for the movies

It didn’t exist in the real world

We dream about it, 

Write about it, 

Sing about it,

But it’s not real

It’s a dream we all hope and long for

But it’s not attainable

At least that’s what I thought,

Until I met you

Your hands hold my heart

Carefully, 

Attentively

Any sudden movement and 

My heart shatters on the floor

But I’m not afraid

I know you won’t drop it

It’s too precious

It means too much to you

I’ve never felt that before

I’ve never felt safety in letting go

It’s uncomfortable

It’s foreign

But you remind me, you encourage me

Let go, my love, let go

Let me help you with the load you carry

I didn’t know I was carrying anything

I didn’t know I was fighting so hard

Never losing control,

I would resist

I got it, I don’t need help, I would say

Safety was not what I knew

Alert

Always on alert

Always sleeping with one eye open

You take your hands and 

put them on my face gently 

And close my eyes

I’m here, my love, go to sleep

I didn’t even know 

I didn’t know I wasn’t resting

Rest was for the lazy

I couldn’t be lazy

My dad would win if I was lazy

I didn’t want him to win

Close your eyes, my love, I got you 

You work so hard, you need to rest

I close my eyes while you hold me

My body in your arms is where I belong

It’s where I am safe

I know your words will never betray me

Your body will never hurt me

Every minute of every day confirms that

You have never faulted

Slowly, I begin to let go

I finally close my eyes

And you take off my pack 

Put it down next to you

And I let myself fall asleep in your arms

It’s the first time I sleep

Fully sleep