Tennis

I always had to be perfect

No! Así no es!

He just showed me the stroke I needed to do

I didn’t get it right the first time

The yelling begins 

You’re not paying attention!

I am

I’m just learning

I’ve never done this before

I say out loud in my head

Why does he expect it perfect right away?

Otra vez, Julianna

Keep your eyes on the ball

Bend your knees

It’s better but not quite right

No, Julianna! 

Massage the ball

Mira, así

We pause again

He shows me the stroke

Does he not realize that I need to practice?

I don’t need to watch him again

He makes me feel like a failure

Why can’t I get it right on the first try?

I should be able to do this

But I’m not

I want to prove to him that I can do it

Okay.

Mejor.

Make love to the ball

I try 

I give it my all

I want to be good

I try

I disappoint 

I hate myself

I’m a failure

Julianna, bend your knees

Make love to the ball, I tell myself

I love this, just us two

I hate this, never good enough

I’m trying

Can’t he see that I am trying?

The connection 

The closeness feels good

I want him to be proud of me

Is he proud of me?

More yelling

More corrections

More things I’m doing wrong

Why do I suck?

Make it stop

Let me just play

The attention

The focus on me

I matter 

Don’t stop

We finish playing

I had fun

I can’t wait to play with him again

I’m ashamed

I never want to play with him again